The ravings of a beutiful lunatic

Dealing with death

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 18:54:26 GMT

Well this is a strange post as I dont know quite what to say.
The truth of it is my father died recently and i'm not quite sure how to deal with it, so thought maybe if I write about it it may help.
It's an odd thing death as I can affect so many people well not so much in this case though I suppose thankfully as I am the only surviving family member which can be a blessing in a way but also a curse as I am the one whose has the do the 'dirty work'.
But I dont feel so sad as alienated, I dont think it has quite sunk in yet but that may be down to the fact i didn't spend much tme with him in the last few yearsm so I suppose I have got used to not having him around which is a good thing I think otherwise I may have found it alot harder. But it's still wierd to think I wont get a random phone call from him which I used to get and theres still that little space in my life that he occupied that feels empty.
The hardest part was leaving him at the funeral, which was weird walking a way.
The thing that really makes me feel gutted it that it was so close to my birthday and Whitby which I obviously look forward to but not soo much now cos I just don't feel that I can have fun right now. Plus when I tell anyone I always feel like they're walking on egg shells around me and trying not to upset me which gets a bit annoying as I'd rather try and have a normal conversation with a person than keep being asked if i'm ok every 5 minutes.
But i'm sure my behaviour is a little off in the fact I'm not a heap of tears or moping around (well not too much) but i'm just not that kind of person I don't like to cry in public and i'm not an emotianal wreck, well I maybe inside but that hasn't come out yet so I'm just carrying on as normal well as can be, not gone back to work yet but I just can't be arsed yet, still catching up on sleep devloped a really crappy sleeping pattern over the last week.
But apart from that i'm fine :-)

Recent shenanigans!

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:25:28 GMT

Well I have been busy recently well not soo recently bit skint now till pay day :-(.
Anyway update from last time, took car up north: check, had first accident: check!, car has nice new scratches down the driver side and dented the door and wing so the driver door doesn't open properly, Damn M1!
So everything was going well driving up north had mp3 payer singing along tootling along in the fast lane, got worried I wood miss my exit so stupidly tried to look at the paper on the passenger seat to double check thus taking my eyes off the road and drifting into the central reservation then looked up horrified just in time to bounce my car off the barrier and back into the lane.
I just have to say, thank god I was in the fast lane otherwise it could have been another car I difted into! so rather shaken by the whole thing I took a nice long break at the next rest stop.
But learn't my lesson well and drove like a princess the rest of the way. On the upside there didn't seem to be any engine damage and it's just aesthetic, also after I washed to car the scratches aren't really that noticable as they perectly inline with curves of the car so are only really noticable up close. On the down side it's gonna cost a bloody fortune to get repaired, but at the very least I need to get the dents out, I'm getting an awful lot of funny looks when climbing in and out of the car emphesis on the 'climbing' it's a bit of a challenge!
I have to admit though despit the fact I did this on the way up and was completley dreading driving back, which I did manage.. well just, I ran out of petrol on my drive way! very good timing though I have to say as I only had 30 liters in the tank and didn't have any cash to put any more in so was worried I was going to break down on the motorway :-s and pretty good milege aswell that was 250 miles I did on that!
I do have to apologies though to peepiecheep as I did promise to come and visit but as you can guess i wasn't too much of a hurry to get behind the wheel when I got back, I don't think I even looked at my car for about 2 weeks after that. I think I had my fill of driving for a while, but now I can say i'm back to it and praciticing hard!
So thats my story for this month :-)

Vroom Vroom!

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 16:59:42 GMT

Well I have news for a change, for those who do not know yet I have passed my driving test :-) so I am now free to terrosise the roads of this country, well, I would except I dont have a car, still debating whether to buy one actually as I dont have a great need to drive to be honest..tube an all.
Anyway just looking to book a dog sledding holiday at the moment it's rather pricy to my surprise, I never knew the Artic circle was soo expsensive and they would charge you so much to freeze your arse off! Ah well hopefully i canm deicde soon alot of flights have sold out already and it can only do it till about March.
Anyway thats all for now

Update!

Tue, 15 May 2007 14:45:15 GMT

Well I did go paintballing i think the bruises have scarred me :-( dunno if i will be doing it again but i was fun all the same not been up to much else really got roller disco in a few weeks which sounds like alot of fun and some northers are heading me way next week so will be tour guiding them round the city.
thants all for now

Friends update

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 14:57:46 GMT

Well I decided to check my friends list for a change as it's seems to have shrunk considerably as people have seen fit to remove me from theirs ( i must be a poor poster or responder or something) either that or I'm not considered their friends anymore which i find a little disheartening. So I have updated so they don't have to be plagued with my crap anymore as I assume they would still be able to see my journal if i still had them on my friends list so I have removed them, i would say don't take it personally but it's pretty hard not to cos it's seems pretty personal to me anyways that all for now.
Other news I have my first paint balling tournament tomorrow should be interesting!

Sacrilege!!!

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 11:50:28 GMT

So we'v had our office refurbed, can't say I like it I have a desk half the size of the one before which does make it difficult to fit 2 keyboards on and a note pad plus a phone, yeah it is that bad!
So the manager deicides to make everyone empty their boxes and tiday up, he does this by starting to throw peoples things out, I must admit it doesn't take very long for people to start rescuing thier stuf from the bin and eventually sorting thier stuff out, so I decide to go on a scavenge, being me.
So I start looking through the bin to see if I can find anyhting usefull and you would not belive what I found in there.......wait for it...... a Terry Prachett book, Hard Back! obviously I went bonkers started squeking in the way I do and took the book and stuck in my draw so I now have a new free Terry prachett book "The theif of time" I have quiete a good collecction now surprisinly as I have only ever paid for one of the books I have :-) scavenging is great I love it :-) stuff for free thats how it should always be :-D

Super Furry Socks!

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 12:59:39 GMT

Well you know how everypone tells you that you have to treat your self at christmas, so I did! and got me self a pair of supper furry socks there amazing there soo fuzzy and warm, i'm rather proud of my self I will try and post a picture of them if I can figure out how to take a picture of my feet with a web cam? and then get it on my journal I'm becoming a technophobe in my older years and as time goes on i'm sure i'm forgetting how to use the pc arrrhhh! which sucks really as I work in a IT job :-s ah well.
Fuzzy Socks Away!!!!!!

Rats!

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:02:02 GMT

Yest quite literally that we got a god damn rat camped out in our bathroom, well not as much capmed out than locked in. So in light of this he has decided to try and dig his way out through the door which hasn't quite worked but made a hell of a mess though, so we dicded to give him some food and we though he must be hungry and not that fond of shampoo so we gave him some food , poisned food of course and he started eating that and we were ok with this but i decided the call thelandlord about i\as he had made such a mess of the door, so round comes our landlord with a rat trap for us, so we set it up last night baited it and happy that it chould cathc the rat.
So I check the trap this morning and it hasn't been triggered so I think he mustn't have gone for it, but then upon closer inspection the little bugger got he bait without setting off the trap, so I maybe didnt put the bait in right I re bait it today making sure that biat's on the trigger mechanisim, and I go and check it again later today and the damn thing has done it again!
I dont know how but it managed to get the bait off without setting off the trap, so now i resign to hoping that all the poision will kill it but it's still going back for more even after a whole tray of it! this is one big smart rat man! I hope it trips over the damn rat trap!
God dammit i'm a rodent magnet, why?

Found this

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 15:45:42 GMT

This is a little bit frightening actually and a bit worrying if it were all true.

Updates

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 15:07:25 GMT

So work is going well still surrounded by lots of nice people, I think I work in the friendleist office in britain you know, not that anyone is overly nice but there is exponentially more friendly people here than anywhere else i'v worked and i'v worked in alot of places!
But it's not all good i'm getting a new desk! and it's going to be smaller even worse! and whats worse than that there going to take away my second pc *cries* so I wont be able to check my hotmail anymore or play blast billiards when i'm bored, I mean really what is the point! god dammit!
And to top it all off there going to try and cram another 30 people in our office, we curretly have about 25 and it's not too crowded it's nicely spacious but not empty either so apart from the injustice of loosing my second pc, getting a smaller desk ,i'm going to be sardinafied aswell, honestley whats the world coming to!
But on the up side I am going to do my certification next year so I will soon be CLP qualified in other words a Certified Lotus Professional ooooh sounds special doesn't it and it has a pretty spceial salary to go with it if I can get it.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 15:08:39 GMT

So I went to the Whitby Goth weekend of which i saw very few people there unfortunatly even though a bunch of you promised to come down ah well.
Had a great time but didn't bring a camera unfortunatley cos there were some wicked costumes (sorry for the charvism)
I got a new hat which made me extreemly popular with photgraphers for some reason probally cos I really suit this hat it's only a tricone but I look faboulus in it and someone said I looked like a pirate wench which is soo sweet! There were alot of older people there this year which really surpised me, and by older I mean people in thier 50's and 60's looking very classy in there victorian outfits.
and my eye candy costume I saw was the Roman guards mmmm very nice I can't help it i'm a sucker for a guy in a uniform no matter what century it's from! specially like the old soliders outfits though from the old series Sharp if anyone ever watched that ( I only watched it cos he looked cute!) and apparently that's why most other women watched it too, not for the plot cos I dont remember what the hell was going on in that programme.
And i'm sure a uninanimous decision will go for the best costume award to the Matrix twins who were spot on and real twins too which made for good authenticity, very impressive! anyway enough babbling now I must search the interent for photoes of me!oh yeah the probally do some work too :-)

More happy news

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 18:04:03 GMT

Well I managed to find today that i ddint get the job from the people who did get the job, well nice of them to send me a letter wasn't it, well they say these things come in threes i suppose the next thing will be for me to fail my theory test again!

More happy news

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 18:03:07 GMT

Well I managed to find today that i ddint get the job from the people who did get the job, well nice of them to send me a lteer wasn't it, well they sasy these things come in threes i suppose the next thing will be for me to fail my theory test again!

Workey Workey!

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 17:29:24 GMT

Well I have been working hard I must apologise to people for not keeping in contact too well but I do have limited computer time at home and work I simply don't have time to surf plus most the stuff i blocked but Hi anyway glad to see your all getting on nicely good luck to Ladypussinboots for Uni and I hope things get better for uk_Pink_Fluff.
But anyway now down the real news I have a job Interview on Monday for a permanat job which is great even better it's my old job at the council which I am currently temping in a crappy department which sucks but hopefully I will get my old job back with better pay :-) yey
So fingers crossed everybody!

P.S Cool pics of Redcar from Evil eye Bri I miss the beach soo much *sobs*

Whitby!

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 17:55:27 GMT

i'm going to Whitby i'm going to Whitby! te he he he

by the way does anyone find the ticket prices now a little extortinate or is that just me? cos i know you get alot but theres been pratically 100% inflation on them in the last 3 years and you still only get 2 nights. mmm....

Spider Stress

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 12:40:05 GMT

So spent last night truing to despense of a huge bloody spider in my bath. You know the big ones you always wonder how the fuck they got in the house! yeah this was one of them!
So as you do, I got a jug of water and rinsed it down the plug hole ran the tap for a while just to make sure, happy with my victory I got back and watch my tv.
Now just as a reminder I do live with my boyfriend the most masculine ego guy I know who is very sensitive about his masculinity and goes to great lengths to try and prove it. He is the one who showed me the spider and refused to do anything about claiming it's bad luck to kill spiders.
I did try and spend 20 minutes trying to explain that I dont hate spiders but I will kill them if there in my house and try to persude him to dispatch the spider in a humane way if he didnt want it to die.
So I go back to check the bath just to make sure and GOD DAAMIT the little fucker was back it hung on to the plug hole and climed back out again! cue another jug of water more tap running and give it 5 mins and it climbs back out again! Now I'm getting really pissed! and quite convinced it's too big to fit down the plug hole or too clever to be dispatched that easily .
Now obviosley i'm getting very upset at this point cos I really dont like spiders and if I have to hang around them too long they make me cry (yes I know it's very sad!)
So I got back ans try to convince Pete to deal with it at which he point blank refuses admints he's afraid of them too at which I get very angry becasue when it comes to pests he's useless He couldn't even catch a mouse! which I incidentley dont mind and can actuually touch cos they just look like little gerbils and are even cutier.
So this time I get serious, another flush of water again but this time I use my little brain and follow the water with some bleach muhaaahahahahaha yeah as you can gues he didnt make another appearence after that but honestly I'v never had this much trouble getting rid of a spider before except when one chased me round my living room, cue much crying and screaming relsing it does suck to live on your own when those problems crop up.
But I have now relised it's not much better having a man around the house if he's afraid of pests as you are. USELESSS!

It's getting hot in here!

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 09:06:46 GMT

Damn heat wave wow what a silly time to move to the city I could kill for a beach right now! 36C here I darn't even leave the house I soo glad I am not stuck in a office in this right now.
Well i'm going go take some more cold showers and frown at the sun outside and pray for those thunderstorms we were proimised.

Landlords

Thu, 06 Jul 2006 11:39:48 GMT

Sop the recent drama to errupt from my life is my ex landlord who thinks he has the right to withold our deposit cos his house was infested by mice and wants to recover some 0of the cost from us!
This guy is soo kiniving it's unreal so he will discover how much of a puishover he thinks i am when I give him notice I intend to take him to court about this matter is he wishes to be a arsehole about it I will retiliate i'v taken quite enough from this guy he will be sorry.

Broom Broom!

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 21:02:57 GMT

Driving test Friday Eeek!

dancy dancy

Wed, 03 May 2006 20:08:45 GMT

I'm going to see covanant this weekend yey! finally somthing to look foward too!

concerts

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 10:41:52 GMT

Well living in London is finally paying off Covanat are playing here in two weeks and i fully intend t see them and so are Apoptygma bezerk aswell at the end of May and i intent to see them too yey i get to go out and have fun

Death!

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 09:21:53 GMT

Alot of people dying lately one of them being Gene Pitney of which saddens me he did alot of good classics like 24 hour from Tulsa (one digit silence)

It's raining it's pouring!

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 15:29:19 GMT

Well for some reason alot of people have seen the need to desend upon my fair city and I still managed to evade them HA!(only kidding) but is does happen to be the one weekend I actually have things to do and everyone decides to visit which is unfortunate cos now i'm trying to tear my self between long planned tasks and seeing people, and as you know time management is premier when you live in this city which sucks.
I either have everything to do or nothing which i hate dammit, well i shall attempt to socialise this weekend if it kills me ( which it probally will!)
Ah well good to see everyone it still going about there business espcially where babies are concerned a few preganacies about at the mo seems to be cathcing some how mmmm..... i'm sure i'll figure it out it's not kissing i know that much!
well i'll leave yer with that thought

ARRRHHHHH!

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 16:29:11 GMT

Damn IT people take away my hotmaail acess wont you! I will defeat you cos you know what? you all SUCK! yeah thats right damn IT administrators I HATE being a user again! stupid interent restriction how the hell am I supposed to fill my time at work now eh? eh? bet yer didnt think of that one :-P

Back on dry land or wet land

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 23:15:57 GMT

So back in rainy England but it's a damn sight better than freezing to death in Canada My god i have never felt it sooo cold and whats worse it they dont let you smoke it bars so if you want to smoke to you have to be hardcore and i mean hardcore and too drunk to care about the tempreture which i never managed to achieve and i drank alot,I was supreosed i wasnt sick. But that was just Ottawa Torronta was pretty mild thank god! and as for shopping i wouldnt bopther it's just as exspensive out there as it is here which sucks only a few shops can you get a real bargin and you have to find somone who knows them.
Otherwise it waqs a pretty good trip i dont think it would be a prime option for a country to live in though
I despise places that require you to have a car cos belive you need a car which sucks cos i dont want to HAVE to drive i would like it as a option not a requirement, but everythiong is far too spread out to walk anywhere unless you live right next to a shop which is highly unlikely.
But a good trip got some funky clothes to see a frat house and have a snowball fight.